Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Things Done and Left Undone, Pt. 1

Out of the heart, the mouth speaks
Luke 6:45
...the words get in the way...
Gloria Estefan

I was supposed to write this post nearly two months ago, but you know how it is.  You have a houseful of family and bathrooms to clean, and a trip to see your daughter and a party the night you get back, and kids are home so there's competition for the computer, and then your sister gets married (see TDaLU, Pt. 2) and previously mentioned daughter comes home from college, and the next thing you know it is one month and twenty days after your son has graduated from high school.

All of the above things really did happen, but the reality is, those are excuses for the fact that my heart is so full, it feels like the Scrabble factory.

Rayner Andrew Fredrick had two speeds from the moment he was born--100 mph and Crash.  He climbed out of the bathtub as an infant, climbed out of his crib as a toddler, and climbed onto the roof  of the minivan before he was three.  Where do you go with a kid like that?  How many times do you yell at them, lose them, wonder if they will have memories of you without gray hair?

I'll tell you where you go.  To your knees and pronto, sister.

And if you can stay there and not try to be all, Hay You are Driving Me Crazy! Let Me Seize Control of that WILL of YOURS because I Know Best and NOT GOD (I am telling you this so you can learn from my mistakes) then what you will find on Graduation Day is that same child standing atop a mountain.  The one they've been practicing their whole life to climb.

No words can do justice to his achievements--the obstacles overcome, the choice of grace over anger, the road less traveled, generosity toward those who would delight to see him wounded.  No, you must trust me on this, that whatever you imagine when you read these words, it is only a pale imitation of the man himself.

Pictures aplenty we took on that night, and yet the one that lingers in my mind will forever exist only there.  Waiting on the sidewalk as the graduates rounded a curve, I saw him before he saw me, his tall frame and handsome face easy to spot in the crowd.  And then his eyes met mine, and in that glad recognition was all the life of our together-journey; the hearts that claim us, broken places where no one else sees the mending glue, road signs along the way and the songs that took us there.

Rayner Fredrick, you've given me the best seat in the house for 18 years; these words an insufficient teaspoon of thanks for an ocean of gratitude.  I see those mountains up ahead that you've got your eye on and I just want you to know--I packed a flag in your backpack for when you reach the top.

You're the best.