It was an inauspicious start to an auspicious week, the
great migration from slavery to freedom out of the gate on a Monday night. As some of us were battling commuter traffic
and figuring out whether we could push that trip to the grocery store back just
one more day, brothers and sisters gathered around the world to ask a question for the
thousand millionth time, “Why is this night different from all other nights?”
And though I was not in my building in New York, riding the
elevator with unleavened dishes and unbreakable matzo, I felt a shift in the unconscious as some of our number stopped and took
note of the journey. At which point I was reminded again of this passage from
Walker Percy’s brilliant book, The
Moviegoer—
Ever since Wednesday I
have become acutely aware of Jews. There is a clue here, but of what I cannot
say. When a man is in despair and does not in his heart of hearts allow that a
search is possible and when such a man passes a Jew in the street, he notices
nothing.
But when a man awakes
to the possibility of a search and when such a man passes a Jew in the street
for the first time, he is like Robinson Crusoe seeing the footprint on the
beach.
This ritual is an unspooling thread, passing bitter herbs
and salty tears from hand to hand across continents and centuries. An unwilling
hero, a people in bondage to an unjust land, too many children and not enough
time. The starter's gun firing before anyone was ready. How many of us, waiting waiting waiting, get to the end and balk—wishing to run back in for a sweater, a kiss, a last
glimpse at a former life.
The first night ended, brisket was portioned into Tupperware, corners
of matzo broken off and nibbled, though G_d knows we’ve all had enough and who
really likes it anyway. Kitchens swept and falling into beds with sighs and
laughing and dreaming of next year in Jerusalem.
Only to awake with the curtain already up on Act Two, as a
people weary of Less Than found Equal Signs in unexpected places. I have a
Love/Hate relationship with Facebook (it’s really mostly hate) but Tuesday all
was forgiven. Like a thermometer rising, the town was painted red.
But that wasn’t the point really. We all knew that there
were allies without math symbols and plenty of Westboro Baptist church members still waiting in the wings. Logos don't solve problems. But how much joy does it give you to know that we have
people in our midst who are finally being seen and loved just as they are? Are
we not in a miraculous age when jocks tweet disdainful pictures of hateful
protests and receive responses that promise a speedy arrival and righteous
retribution? (I see you Sam Cooper and Hayden Murray)
Two times that day I opened Tweets to find writing so real
and true – evangelicals willing to give up the old securities for new freedoms, though
there is no doubt such efforts placed Rachel Held Evans and Tony Jones squarely in front of
trigger happy firing squads. We are all passengers on this train witnessing a history-making course correction.
No short trip—this is an odyssey for us all, a
recognition that we have not perhaps been our truest selves. Yet when we can
see each other with new eyes, looking both ways past labels and preconceptions
we see our wanderings and missteps for the gifts that they are, the
time they gave us to walk and talk with someone new.
Wandering in the wilderness feels like second nature to me
now. Open spaces and unexpected detours
such a part of the landscape that the only constant was the ever guiding hand
to which I clung. So I was not thrown on Wednesday night when Mary Glen called
at 12:30 am and said she’d had a blowout in the ever-faithful Dodge Stratus. I
put on a coat, hopped in the car and headed north to meet her in the parking
lot where that steady transport, battered and unbowed had said, “Thus far and no
farther.”
We waited for AAA in the darkness, high-fiving once again
the best service $100 can buy and headed home as our driver assured us he could
drop the key in the box and leave the car with our favorite mechanic. We made
plans to replace the tire, knowing it only needed to last until July when her commute to the Shakespeare Festival would end. Daniel its original owner now well-moved to Philly,
she would close the show and head west to a land of public
transportation.
Except that morning brought different news. A broken axle
and other maladies meant $1500 worth of repair for a car that wouldn’t command
half that in the open market. It was time to say goodbye—an unexpected
departure and a sorrow that caught us all off guard. Even now I write with
tears in my eyes of a car that cost so little and gave so much. For four years
it traveled to Texas and back without complaint, took the hits of two uninsured
drivers and carried hope and dreams to LA and back again. There was no explanation but a spiritual one—God
had our back and like manna in the wilderness, would provide a ride until the
day we didn’t need one.
As I explained all of this to a colleague, refusing to feel
foolish for the tears in my eyes, I knew in the depth of my soul that those two
million stubborn Israelites were just like me—doubting and faithless and bitch
bitch bitching until the moment when they weren’t. When they just gave in and
said, It’s ok if I’m here forever as long as You’re here with me.
And then you take a step and the road is paved; food is
plenty and street signs everywhere you look. It’s what you dreamed about,
right? Longed for during that dark night of the soul when “What the fuck?” was
the only prayer you could manage and you knew God could handle it just fine.
In that moment of testifying I saw the Promised Land with its dinner
menus and health insurance and steady paychecks. And I saw the wisdom of the
desert—hope rising from despair, the unlearning of rules and a trust
daily brokered with a God who did not fail. That life, oh my goodness, it was
so hard. It was so sweet.
It may seem as silly as a pile of rocks in the Jordan, but
when we tell the story of how this life grew against the odds, we’ll illustrate it
with a silver car.
And so today arrives with new white shoes and sinners
trudging into churches with saints—Easter, in all its chocolate-covered American convoluted glory; Jesus emerging from that tomb every year, every
day, every hour. Of all the uncertainty and doubt with which I have made peace
in my life, one thing I will tell you and you
can take it to the bank—this great Love is
going nowhere but with you.
A holy week indeed.
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